Compound Eyes

Content warning. May contain spoilers.

cancer, death, depression

a short story by Luc Salinger

Jessica and Mark were sitting on a bench in the park. The weather was scorching hot. A perfect summer’s day. Besides them, the park was completely empty, as if they were the only people who were aware of how great the weather was. A couple of bees were there, occupied with burying their heads in flowers. Birds were ploughing the ground for worms and occasionally, a mosquito tried to test its luck with the couple, gently flying to their exposed legs to ram its snout into their flesh.

Jessica’s breath was irregular. She was panting, and tripped over her words, clearly excited about something she had in mind. Her friend Mark stared at her, patiently, expectantly.

‘There is something I want to pitch to you,’ she said, her breath shaky, her eyes glistening with excitement.

Mark smiled at her. Knowing her, it was probably something stupid. Last time she started a conversation like that, she told of crossbreeding pigs and ducks to develop a special bacon that stays crisp and doesn’t get soggy once she heard that ducks, even when spending time in water, don’t get wet. As she got older, getting her own apartment and her own responsibilities, she developed the habit of completely obsessing over things that only Mark was willing to put up with. She knew that Mark was the only one who listened to her, so she was always excited to talk with him about her ideas.

‘What’s the pitch?’

‘You know…’ She stared into his eyes. ‘You know, how we have all sorts of pictures at school for things like the solar systems, atoms or those sliced up bacteria cells?’ She waited for him to nod.

‘Yes?’

‘Nobody took those pictures. Those are just concept pictures! You know that?’

Mark tried not to laugh. ‘Course I do. They aren’t photographs. They are illustrations. Everyone knows that.’ He put on a look of suspicion. ‘Is that all?’

‘That is not all!’ She put her finger up. ‘Consider this now…’ She leaned a bit closer forward. ‘All those illustrations have been made with the sole intention of helping humans understand the universe.’

Mark still had no idea what Jessica was rambling on about, but her tone was building up to something. He remembers her bacon pitch, too, being like that. Picture this, she had said, you’re swimming in a pool and crave a crispy slice of bacon, but oops, it falls into the pool and now it’s not enjoyable anymore. Reason for that is the hydrophilic nature of the bacon strip itself! It had been hard for him to visualize the scenario at all, but she had a way of gripping Mark as if the things she was saying were really sound. Even if she was completely delusional.

Mark nodded now and she continued. ‘I ask you this now: have you ever seen such a visualisation for any other species?’

‘I guess not. No. Those pictures are for humans because they are the only species that studies the universe in such a way.’ His eyes trailed off from Jessica.

He thought Jessica looked really cute when she was getting riled up by her ideas, even if they felt like she was just sharing her shower thoughts with him, as opposed to really interesting concepts worthy of discussion. She had little bags under her eyes whenever she pitched him an idea, as if she mulled over it for the entire night beforehand. It drew attention to her eyes. Those eyes, with their verdant tinge. So tired. So beautiful. He smiled.

Jessica put her hands on her thighs and looked at him smugly. ‘I don’t think that’s quite fair now, is it? For example, you have those colourful pictures of DNA. That would be so useless for a dog because they don’t see the colours that well. We are in the position that we know better. And gatekeeping our knowledge is just plain cruel. Don’t you think?’

Mark thought back to the time Jessica was at his place. Back when he still had his dog. She’d seemed so gleeful and giddy at that moment. His big mastiff tongue had caressed her cheek like it was vanilla ice cream on a hot summer’s day. Back then, she’d never told him of ideas in her head. She seemed so close, but also not as talkative as she was now. He couldn’t help but shake his preference for the old version of her, back when he still had his dog.

‘I don’t think dogs would care.’

‘Some might,’ she quickly responded and a daring smile crept on her face, as she looked into his eyes. ‘But my idea doesn’t pertain to dogs. I need to start somewhere else. How do you think a fly sees the world?’

‘With compound eyes?’

Jessica jumped up from the bench, putting her palms in the air as if she was balancing an invisible cheerleader on top of her. ‘A huge tapestry of eyes. Like a kaleidoscope. And if that fly would see a picture of the solar system, it would see hundreds of thousands of planets in its view.’ She adjusted her glasses. ‘And that’s not scientifically correct.’

Mark remembered the time when she hadn’t worn glasses. She broke them. It was in the summer, must be seven years ago, back when it took her parents over a year to replace them because they had to spend a lot of money on some stupid stone, as Jessica had put it, for their son. So many emotions inside her, she didn’t know what she was saying. Back then, she was upset that she was so dependent on others. She saw everything blurry. It was the only time that Jessica had said to Mark that he looked beautiful. He knew it was meant as a joke, but he remembered it.

‘I don’t think flies care about the accuracy of their conception of the universe.’ Mark said, now. He stared too much. He shouldn’t look at her this intensely. He should break eye contact once in a while, he thought.

‘You can be such a hater sometimes.’ She nudged him a bit with her shoulder as she sat down on the bench next to him again.

      Mark smiled. ‘I’m not a hater. I just don’t think your idea is feasible. I can’t even begin to understand how you would conceive a picture, where a fly, with its hundreds of little eyes, could see a single image as we do. If you turn the solar system into a kaleidoscope, then it would just see the kaleidoscope in its own eyes, multiplied again.’

Jessica rubbed her chin. ‘My hypothesis was that two negatives make a positive and the kaleidoscope and the compound eyes would cancel each other out.’ She looked at him. ‘Did you know that flies can see UV light? Maybe that’s the key.’

He began to yawn. If only Jessica could see how annoying she was being. Back when they were still at school together, it wasn’t draining, talking to her. Ever since that one summer, when his dog was diagnosed with cancer and Jessica’s brother Dylan had drowned in their swimming pool when she was supposed to be watching over him, their relationship changed. Jessica used to talk about real things during that summer. Not crispy water-bacon or fly-friendly pictures. Things felt more real.

‘Is something wrong?’ Jessica asked him. ‘You tired?’ she added with a teasing undertone.

‘Yeah, the weather is getting to me. I think I should go.’ He stood up from the bench. They used to hug each other when departing but this time, Mark didn’t feel like it. He waved to her and left, leaving Jessica wondering why.

When Jessica went to her apartment, the idea she had just talked about with Mark was still in the forefront of her mind. She felt excitement coursing through her and immediately got to her working station. When she sat down in her chair, an army of fruit flies flew from the partly empty yoghurt cups on her desk. The entire working station smelled like rotting cheese or spoiled milk, depending on which yogurt cup was closest and able to overpower the others.

She opened up her photoshop app and worked throughout the day. The smell of the yogurt served a practical use of ruining her appetite whenever she took a breath, so she never felt the need to eat as she diligently worked. Hit the Save-as button, printer on and out came a kaleidoscope, where every little hexagon was a small image of the solar system. It filled the entire page and with pride she held it up in the air.

Jessica rushed towards the kitchen, paper in hand. Once she opened the door. Her ears were filled with buzzing noises. On the kitchen counter, the flies living with her couldn’t have been happier with the accidental hospitality of the hostess. Opened cans of fruits, black bananas, fish bones, half a pack of minced meat that had turned completely brown and served as a maggot kindergarten.

Whenever she stepped into her kitchen, it was a stark reminder to her just how hard living alone was. She hadn’t seen her parents even once since she was kicked out, at eighteen. They hated her guts for letting her brother die. They never used the pool after that. Not even on the hottest of summers. Careless. She didn’t care about anything, her father had said. It stung, and he was wrong. She did care. She put the paper she designed on her kitchen table.

After a couple of seconds. A lonely fly landed on the image and it was the first time a fly got an accurate representation of the solar system. It tapped its trunk on the paper, still warm from the printer. Rubbed its tiny little hands and flew away.

Durian

Content warning. May contain spoilers.

alcohol, swear words

a short story by Luc Salinger

Cathy had disheveled hair. Her cotton clothing was riddled with little holes and patches. She was greasy and she smelled like a dirty damp rag left to simmer outside in the heat of a summer’s day. I didn’t exactly hate her, but she wasn’t a person I would want to hang out with or be close to in any way. Foul odor aside, being near Cathy would tank your reputation immediately. As if she had a disease that you could contract just by opening your mouth when standing near her.

‘See that girl over there? You have to make her invite you to her place.’ Maddie was pointing at Cathy.

We were leaning against the concrete wall of the school building, our eyes darting over to the old wooden bench where a girl sat by herself. Immediately, I felt as if bile was just waiting to come out. Like most games, truth or dare perverts the longer it goes on. The desire to pay someone back for what they made you do and the need, almost in a moral sense, to go through with demands because you have inflicted so much pain and shame on the other person; that was what kept the game going. I had made Maddie drink a bottle filled with toilet water from the boy’s restroom, so it sort of put the onus on me to do whatever she wanted, even if, arguably, Cathy is more disgusting than the dirtiest toilet there has ever been.

‘A dare is a dare. Don’t be a wuss. And tomorrow, tell me what kind of disgusting rat hole she lives in,’ she said.

So off I went, taking one last deep breath of fresh air before I got into the vicinity of the garbage girl. She saw me approaching and I slowly waved at her.

I actually had no idea how to make her invite me to her house. Maddie must have thought Cathy was so desperate for any social contact, it would be just a matter of asking her and she would say an emphatic, yes! Maddie really knows how some people tick.

Cathy and I went to Pinecrest, a neighbourhood which my parents had always talked badly about, saying every house there was dilapidated. Not just them. It made headlines in newspapers and there had even been a documentary about it on TV once. Living conditions there were “inhumane” and “criminal” it said. The multi-story buildings there had issues with bursting pipes, mouldy ceilings, water outages, all the stuff that would make you want to move out, but people in those apartments just couldn’t, for whatever reason. Maybe they were too stupid to realize what kind of shithole they live in or they didn’t have the money to look for something better. When we went to the neighbourhood, walking past the uncut lawns and the trash bags scattered in front of the houses, I hoped that Cathy would at least exceed my expectations insofar as that she wouldn’t live in one of the notorious apartments. Then again, maybe they just looked bad, ugly and not cared for on the outside. Honestly? I desperately hoped so, because they really did look disgusting and stepping inside of them seemed like something I really didn’t want to do.

‘I have to warn you, my place isn’t exactly in good condition right now,’ Cathy said as she turned her keys to open the door.

We were on the seventh floor of the building and the staircase had a musky, pungent odour to it, like urine, that made me almost puke. I hoped that at least inside her apartment it would smell better, but once she opened her door, it was worse. I don’t think I could attempt to describe it, because every scent description would need to refer to something else to get across how it smells. It just smelled uniquely bad, horrific, awful.

It was dark. A lightbulb that hung on a string dangled in the air, shining light on a kitchen island. The counter was scattered with plastic wrappers, dirty plates and a thin layer of grease that made the light reflect in a nice way. Cathy entered the apartment and, as she stepped foot inside, her feet were scooting away glass bottles that laid on the ground. They made a wave of sharp tinkling sounds, as one bottle smacked against the other.

‘Sorry, my mom is a drunk,’ Cathy said as we both walked towards the kitchen.

My eyes darted around the sea of empty bottles on the floor, trying to take the situation in. An idea was niggling.

She opened a cupboard. ‘You want something to drink?’

I tried to play it as casually as I could. ‘Oh, you must have wine here then or something, right? What does your mom drink?’

She looked at me incredulously. ‘Um… I think I have some vodka here somewhere.’

I had never drunk hard alcohol before. I wasn’t allowed to, so the prospect seemed too enticing.

‘That would be nice!’ I said as I waited for her to reach for the bottle of vodka that was stashed underneath the kitchen sink and two glasses from a cabinet where the bottom hinge was completely ripped off, making it dangle in the air. Cathy filled the two glasses to the brim with vodka and set one of the glasses in front of me on the counter.

‘Just straight vodka?’

She gave me a weird look, as if I said something stupid. ‘Do you want to add something to it?’ She took her own glass and quickly drained it, as if it was a cold glass of water.

Hesitantly, I took the glass she had prepared for me and tried to drink it, but my face immediately scrunched up by the horrific taste. It tasted like poison. She looked my way and began to cackle.

‘What’s wrong? You don’t like it?’

‘It tastes terrible!’

She reached for the bottle and poured herself another glass. ‘P-Pussy…’ she slurred with a sly smile.

Now mad, I gritted my teeth and emptied my own glass. A strange warmness was filling my lungs, and I felt a burning taste that went further than my mouth. I coughed, which prompted her to laugh at me again.

‘Fuck you.’ I grunted, trying to act tough, but I couldn’t stop myself from beaming a little.

She laughed even harder. ‘F-Fuck you too!’ She said it mockingly, grinning from ear to ear and then pressing her lips on the rim of her glass again.

After we had emptied the bottle, she got another one and we just began laughing together. I didn’t even notice anymore how bad the apartment smelled or how it looked. I just had fun as we were cracking jokes. She brought out a packet of cookies, too, which we occasionally dipped inside our glasses and laughed about how bad it tasted.

‘You know what, you are more fun to be around than I thought.’

Her face was red. ‘Th- thank you so much!’ She took another sip of her glass. ‘You are the first real friend I have ever had. I am so happy right now.’

I just laughed. ‘You see me as a friend?’ I sipped from my glass again.

By that point, she was completely wasted. She put her glass down.

‘Of course!’ Then she looked at me and her eyes were glistening. ‘Why wouldn’t I? Nobody has ever been so nice to me.’

She got closer to me and I could smell her vodka breath as she wrapped her arms around me.

I stood in shock, my arms dangling to my sides. ‘Nice to you? What did I do?’

She hugged me tighter. ‘Just everything. You are nice to me. You don’t make fun of me. You don’t make fun of the place I live in. You don’t make fun of my clothes…’ She continued to melt into me as I felt an incredible sense of disgust wash over me. Not just because Cathy was now hugging me and she seemed not to have washed herself in a week. No, it was disgust with myself.

‘Yeah… sure…’ I murmured and gently wrapped my arms around her too.

‘I just wish you would’ve approached me sooner.’

I didn’t have the heart to tell her about the dare or anything, about how disgusting I had always thought she was or how much shit I talked behind her back. Even while being completely drunk, I wasn’t brave enough to do so. I just stood there, letting her hug me until she let go. She looked at my slightly parted lips with a completely flushed face.

‘Can I kiss you?’

The next day at school was horrible. I didn’t know a hangover could hurt my head this much. Cathy didn’t come to school at that day, and I totally understood why. I got annoyed by every tiny thing. Even Maddie’s enthusiasm as she kept on teasing me, trying to make me tell her about Cathy and what I did.

‘Honestly, I can’t remember.’ I told her as I kept my hands on my head like a wise monkey.

‘You’re kidding right? Not even a tiny detail?’ She gave me a look of suspicion. ‘Are you sure you even did the dare like I asked you?’

‘I did.’

‘Got any proof?’

My mind wandered, trying to find anything. ‘Nope, no proof.’

‘Geez, I should have told you to take a picture or something. You could just lie to me right now. Don’t you think it’s unfair? You saw me drink the toilet water right in front of you and you won’t even give me anything to laugh at now? You’re such a terrible friend.’

‘Pick a better dare next time,’ I said. My head felt like it was being stung by hundreds of hornets.

‘No, no. This one was perfect. You just messed it up. You have to do it again.’

‘Fine, whatever,’ I slurred as I lay my head on my school table, taking a deep breath of air.

I felt sick.